Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Daydream No. 4

| Except this one isn't about a boy. |

One morning, she and Roomie were driving to campus, both dreading the mundane events of the day. Since they lived north of the school they were attending at the time, they were heading southward to start their daily routine of books, tests, and falling asleep through Humanities 202. There were also some other life crises probably going on at the time, because, well, they were single, twenty-somethings living on their own, working, going to school, and otherwise trying to figure out this whole life thing.

#lifeisbeautiful

Waiting for a traffic light to turn green, she turned to Roomie and said, "Rumi. Let's just keep going south. Let's go to California." Roomie looked at her and said,
"Okay. Let's go to California."

Of course, they never did. While she was half serious, and Roomie might have been too, they both knew that it wasn't going to happen. They weren't going to just hit the freeway and take their own vacation, skipping tests and risking their jobs. And let's be real: She was driving an Excursion at the time. An Excursion that ran on diesel fuel. An Excursion that ran on diesel fuel with a 40-gallon tank, averaging 13 miles per gallon. Neither one of them wanted to pay for that thing to make it to CA. And so, a spontaneous California trip became an inside joke for them from then on.

A couple years passed and she and Roomie graduated from School. Roomie went on to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and our protagonist landed a boring, nine-to-five desk job that paid her pretty decently: something she actually wanted.

(it granted her more freedom to live life the way she wanted, if you would believe it.)

It was one day at the desk that she decided to take a small break from the grind and reminisce with some old blog posts. She found one in particular that had a picture of a lake in beautiful Poway, CA. She had visited this lake for a day with her family a few years back. There's a park on one side of the lake, and it all seems like it's in the middle of nowhere, but it's actually in the middle of everything, while still maintaining this almost oasis feeling - it's beautiful. :) The trip was during the transition phase between Winter and Spring, the purpose for a trip was to celebrate a marriage, Disneyland had been squeezed in, and she was with family; every sweet reminder of that weekend always put a sparkle in her eye and (forgive me for sounding trite) love in her heart.


It's a special thing for her, you know, and there isn't a more accurate way to describe it. :)



Anyway. 
She remembered the trip with fondness, and then went back to work.

A couple days later, she was going for a much needed drive, listening to music and thinking thoughts, when the thought entered her mind: 

"Let's go to California."

She entertained the idea for a moment: If I just pick up and go to California, right now, she thought, no one would even know. My roommates would know, but that's because they see me every day. But my family wouldn't know, my friends wouldn't know... I could just up and leave, come back, and I wouldn't even miss a beat.

She gave it more consideration. She could easily get the time off work, and that would be her only obstacle. Though it would be an expensive, impulsive decision, she could technically afford it. Besides, spending money on life experiences makes a person happier, and this would definitely make for a fun, "irresponsible, single, twenty-something" story for later. She had the money, the GPS, the car, and the spontaneity - why not? :)

And so, dear friends, with pictures of Lake Poway on her dashboard, freshly painted toenails, and a flower in her hair, she started her sun chase to the Golden State. If you need her, she'll be in any one of these places:


life?
life is good. :)

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Daydream No. 3

There is an attractive man
who knows he's hot
but doesn't really act like it,
and I'm pretty sure he's got girls all over him.
And I'm pretty sure I'm older than him anyway,
and that's slightly weird for me.

It's whatever, really.

But like,

I just wish he would talk to me.

That's all I can daydream about this one.
The other stuff I imagined just sounded silly,
like
"ghastly, empty pap,"
(name that movie).
Plus,
I can't even talk to him
because he's so FREAKIN attractive
and probably way cooler than me,
and I don't want to get my hopes up.

Therefore,
I'm sorry, dearest readers,
there could be a fun daydream right now,
but there's not,
just a wish/daydream thing of this guy and I ACTUALLY talking and becoming friends,
because not even my daydreams can quite reach that height.

...Imma be straight honest,
cause this all sounds dramatic and I don't really like that,
I have a problem with completely tearing myself apart.
And I've been doing it so much over the past little while
that I'm kinda losing hope in myself in a lot of different areas in my life.
Someone in my ward said something along the lines of:
"If Satan can't shake our testimony, he'll do all he can to turn us on ourselves."

THIS. IS. MY. LIFE.

I keep telling myself I'm not good enough for
ANYTHING
or ANYONE
at ANY TIME,
and I am destroying myself.

BUT.
I'm working on it.
I've got two talks by President Uchtdorf in my arsenal,
and one by Elder John H. Groberg
AND I have Tangled,
(yes, Tangled. I'm learning great stuff from that movie. ...I'm serious.)
The Atonement is real.
I know it can heal my heart,
and I know that I have to stop attacking myself so I can actually heal.
Additionally,
God has surrounded me with wonderful people in my life
who lift me up in simple ways,
for whom I am so grateful. :)

K now I want it known that I'm not sharing this to make anyone feel sorry for me.
I'm just an open person
(sometimes)
and I like being straight up and honest with people.
I am sharing this to let you know,
dearest readers,
that my imagination will be up and running soon.
And hey -
maybe something small will actually happen
and I'll be inspired to embellish some details
or change the ending
and write another daydream. :)
(one that's not empty pap.)
By the way,
that movie I quoted is Saving Mr. Banks.
Point for you if you got it. :)

Until then. :)