Daydream No. 3

There is an attractive man

who knows he's hot

but doesn't really act like it,

and I'm pretty sure he's got girls all over him.

And I'm pretty sure I'm older than him anyway,

and that's slightly weird for me.

It's whatever, really.

But like,

I just wish he would talk to me.

That's all I can daydream about this one.

The other stuff I imagined just sounded silly,

like

"ghastly, empty pap,"

(name that movie).

Plus,

I can't even talk to him

because he's so FREAKIN attractive

and probably way cooler than me,

and I don't want to get my hopes up.

Therefore,

I'm sorry, dearest readers,

there could be a fun daydream right now,

but there's not,

just a wish/daydream thing of this guy and I ACTUALLY talking and becoming friends,

because not even my daydreams can quite reach that height.

...Imma be straight honest,

cause this all sounds dramatic and I don't really like that,

I have a problem with completely tearing myself apart.

And I've been doing it so much over the past little while

that I'm kinda losing hope in myself in a lot of different areas in my life.

Someone in my ward said something along the lines of:

"If Satan can't shake our testimony, he'll do all he can to turn us on ourselves."

THIS. IS. MY. LIFE.

I keep telling myself I'm not good enough for

ANYTHING

or ANYONE

at ANY TIME,

and I am destroying myself.

BUT.

I'm working on it.

I've got two talks by President Uchtdorf in my arsenal,

and one by Elder John H. Groberg

AND I have Tangled,

(yes, Tangled. I'm learning great stuff from that movie. ...I'm serious.)

The Atonement is real.

I know it can heal my heart,

and I know that I have to stop attacking myself so I can actually heal.

Additionally,

God has surrounded me with wonderful people in my life

who lift me up in simple ways,

for whom I am so grateful. :)

K now I want it known that I'm not sharing this to make anyone feel sorry for me.

I'm just an open person

(sometimes)

and I like being straight up and honest with people.

I am sharing this to let you know,

dearest readers,

that my imagination will be up and running soon.

And hey -

maybe something small will actually happen

and I'll be inspired to embellish some details

or change the ending

and write another daydream. :)

(one that's not empty pap.)

By the way,

that movie I quoted is Saving Mr. Banks.

Point for you if you got it. :)

Until then. :)